Mastering the Art of Bilateral Meetings: Speed Dating for Diplomats and Humanitarians

The way we conduct bilateral meetings has never been more important. As the humanitarian sector faces a major financial crisis and a broader reckoning of the system itself, these short, high-stakes encounters can shape not only partnerships but the very resources and influence needed to deliver aid.

Bilateral meetings with government officials are often compared to speed dating—high-pressure, fast-paced conversations where every word counts and first impressions can make or break future collaboration. Whether you are a humanitarian leader, a diplomat, or a representative of an international organization, these moments demand strategic framing, deep listening, and real-time adaptability.

Why Bilateral Meetings Matter

Bilateral meetings are where ideas become influence. In the humanitarian space, they are essential for securing access to affected populations, negotiating funding, protecting humanitarian principles, and building long- term partnerships.

They are also a window into power: they offer insight into a government's thinking, allow for real-time feedback, and help humanitarians adjust their strategies in ways that align with political realities. A well-conducted bilateral meeting does not just inform- it moves the needle.

Whether behind closed doors with a donor, or in a quiet corridor chat with a minister, these meetings are where some of the most critical decisions affecting humanitarian outcomes are made.

What Do You Need to Know?

Having participated in and conducted countless such meetings, I have learned that success does not come from simply presenting a well-prepared pitch. It comes from knowing how to position your ask while understanding the priorities, pressures, and incentives of your counterpart.

Here are a few principles I have found essential in mastering the art of bilateral meetings:

1. Know Your Counterpart: Do Your Homework- Time is short, do not waste it on generic talking points. Research the official’s background, political context, and institutional constraints. Are they newly appointed and looking to leave a mark? Are they navigating domestic pressure or preparing for elections? Have they made public statements on your issue? Tailoring your message to resonate with their agenda shows respect—and increases your odds of being heard.
2. The First Two Minutes: Set the Tone- The opening matters. Officials meet dozens of people daily, so make yours count. Introduce yourself clearly, explain why the meeting matters, and make it personal if possible—reference a recent speech or decision, or a mutual connection. A confident, relevant opening signals that this is a conversation worth engaging in.
3. Frame Your Ask as a Win-Win: Governments are driven by interests, not just goodwill. If you are requesting funding, policy shifts, or operational access, present it in a way that supports their goals. Instead of saying, “We need your support for humanitarian aid,” try, “Supporting this initiative positions your country as a leader in humanitarian diplomacy and regional stability.” Mutual benefit is the most persuasive argument.
4. Less Is More: Prioritize Your Messages- These meetings are often limited to 15–30 minutes—sometimes less. This is not the time for a detailed walkthrough of your strategy. Choose two or three key messages and stick to them. If you only have time for one ask, make sure it is the most strategic. Trying to do too much risks weakening your overall impact.
5. Listen for What’s Not Being Said: Diplomatic language is often layered. If an official responds vaguely or redirects the conversation, they may be signalling internal challenges or limitations. Pay attention to what is left unsaid—tone, phrasing, and body language can all be revealing. When concerns are raised, acknowledge them. Do not bulldoze ahead.
6. Build a Relationship, Not Just a Transaction: Even if the meeting is a one-off, treat it as the start of a relationship. Refer to past collaboration, find shared interests, and commit to following up. People are more likely to support those they know, trust, and feel aligned with—even across institutional or ideological divides.
7. Be Ready for the Unexpected: Even with the best preparation, meetings rarely go exactly as planned. Officials may raise unrelated issues, shift focus, or make requests of their own. Stay flexible. If the conversation veers off course, look for ways to bring it back to your priorities without being rigid or dismissive.
8. End with Clarity and Next Steps: Do not let the meeting end in polite ambiguity. Recap any agreements and clarify who will follow up and when. A closing line like, “We will share a short summary and look forward to your feedback by next week,” keeps the dialogue alive and moving forward.

Bilateral meetings are not about talking the most or showcasing the most impressive data. They are about creating alignment, building relationships, and making a lasting impression in a short amount of time. Like speed dating, the goal is not just connection—but a next step.

Whether you are negotiating humanitarian access, advocating for policy change, or seeking funding, approach each meeting with clarity, humility, and strategic intent. In a world where every second counts, those who master this diplomatic art will be the ones who turn brief encounters into meaningful action and long-lasting impact.

Liana Ghukasyan is Special Advisor to IFRC President, former Deputy Permanent Observer to the UN in New York.

This first appeared on Liana's LinkIn'd.

Photo by RDNE Stock project